Monday, September 19, 2011

The Screaming Censor

I didn't give my censor a name when we started on the AW journey----I foolishly thought that she wasn't enough of a concern to bother. Silly me!!! I have a challenge this week and she is literally screaming in my ear---it's deafening!!! She is one nasty *itch!!! You see, the Make Your Mark Journals go on display today and for the rest of the week. On Saturday there is a reception. It is finally sinking in that MY journal will be there will all those other journals by other artists. My censor is screaming that mine will be compared with the others. And of course she says, "Yours doesn't measure up!". She is asking WHY I didn't pass it around---now almost all the work is mine---there to be judged. Why didn't I do this and why DID I do that? she wants to know. I will try to strangle her. I will slash her with an x-acto knife!! I will bludgeon her!! So many ways to silence her. Maybe the simplest would just be a piece of duct tape over her huge mouth!!! I need my affirmations! I need to look at all the positives that came out of doing that journal. First of all I FINISHED it!! That alone is a big accompishment--I am famous for unfinished projects. I also made a promise to myself to NOT tear any pages out, no matter how much I hated them, and I didn't!! I learned something from every single page I did! I learned the positive affects of the DAILY PRACTICE of making art. But most of all, I fell in love with the book and what it contained. I fell in love with myself a little bit. That book contains some of what is the very essence of who I am! And I must continue to love ME!!!! So censor, whatever your name is.....I don't give a *bleep* what you say!!!! I did my best!!! It will be fine!

18 comments:

Glenn Stenson said...

There's a major danger when we start comparing ourself to others. We selectively choose all the best features from multiple others, create some super being and conclude we are a loser.

Congrats on finishing the project and having a chance to share it with others. That's a gold star in my book!

Robin said...

Yeah, I know---it's never a good thing. Thanks for the gold star!!

Marjorie said...

Don't worry about all that- you finished your journal (I didn't and handed it in anyway) and it was a meaningful experience for you! I also didn't pass mine around and I'm ok with it. Some did and that's fine. But I'm sure you had a good experince with it and that's what matters!

april said...

I saw some of your pages and they are first class! Beautiful and meaningful to you!

Robin said...

Thank you Marge and April!!! You are right! It was a great experience and that's the main thing!

Jan said...

I haven't seen your journal but if you put some of yourself into it then it must be a beautiful thing. I'll bet if you didn't know it was yours and saw it with the others you would agree that it belonged and was worthy, fun, wonderful work. Have fun at the reception and be proud! What are you wearing? got boots;-J

Robin said...

Thanks Jan for your very kind comments!! I am really feeling fine about it all at the moment! As for the boots----I WISH!!! Might have to go looking for some!!
My wardrobe is always lacking because I'm not much of a shopper.

nacherluver said...

You go girl!!!!

Robin said...

No boots....YET...but BIG earrings instead!!

Laura said...

A little surprise for you Robin...some one from the art league called and has a person taking a class and wanted to by your journal...I told them they were for sale but if they wanted to come on saturday when the reception is and meet you then they could ask you in person if you wanted to sell it...congrats on the interest..

Robin said...

Oh my gawd!! That is unbelievably amazing!!! Unfortunately, I could never sell it! I will be there on Saturday though!

Glenn Stenson said...

Well, how do you do? How good that must feel. Be proud!

Robin said...

I am awfully proud and overwhelmed! This has turned out to be one incredible week!!!

Elena said...

OMG! Robin now how is that for a sucker punch to the censor?! You should be so proud that you submitted the journal. Mine is still sitting lonely; a big reminder of something undone. And to have someone love it enough to want to buy it. Besides I saw some of the pages you posted her on the blog and they were gorgeous! Be proud girl because we are!

april said...

Oh Robin - What a compliment! And i wouldn't sell it either if it was mine. I only saw part though and now I must see the "rest of the story"!

Robin said...

When Laura sent me the message about someone wanting to buy my journal I was out shopping for big dangly earrings and drooling over boots. Didn't get the boots but got what I'm calling "big girl earrings"---you know---like big girl panties!! Wore the earrings, skipped the panties---oops---not literally---you know what I mean!!! I just put the blog back in the gutter! Anyway, wore my big girl earrings to the reception and it felt GOOD!!

Jan said...

Robin, I want a picture! Of you at the reception in your dangly earrings, that is. I'm looking forward to reading all about the reception, I hope you had a fantastic time!

Robin said...

I DID have a fantastic time! Unfortunately my camera is broken and I didn't get to take any pictures!! When it's fixed I hope to have another occasion to wear the earrings!!! This probably sounds like so NOT a big deal to other people but you have to know that I have worn small, pearl earrings day in and day out for years!!! Mostly out of laziness---I don't have to think about which ones to choose!! And there is a part of me that IS a small pearl earring person---but that's not ALL of me!!