Monday, September 19, 2011
The Screaming Censor
I didn't give my censor a name when we started on the AW journey----I foolishly thought that she wasn't enough of a concern to bother. Silly me!!! I have a challenge this week and she is literally screaming in my ear---it's deafening!!! She is one nasty *itch!!! You see, the Make Your Mark Journals go on display today and for the rest of the week. On Saturday there is a reception. It is finally sinking in that MY journal will be there will all those other journals by other artists. My censor is screaming that mine will be compared with the others. And of course she says, "Yours doesn't measure up!". She is asking WHY I didn't pass it around---now almost all the work is mine---there to be judged. Why didn't I do this and why DID I do that? she wants to know. I will try to strangle her. I will slash her with an x-acto knife!! I will bludgeon her!! So many ways to silence her. Maybe the simplest would just be a piece of duct tape over her huge mouth!!! I need my affirmations! I need to look at all the positives that came out of doing that journal. First of all I FINISHED it!! That alone is a big accompishment--I am famous for unfinished projects. I also made a promise to myself to NOT tear any pages out, no matter how much I hated them, and I didn't!! I learned something from every single page I did! I learned the positive affects of the DAILY PRACTICE of making art. But most of all, I fell in love with the book and what it contained. I fell in love with myself a little bit. That book contains some of what is the very essence of who I am! And I must continue to love ME!!!! So censor, whatever your name is.....I don't give a *bleep* what you say!!!! I did my best!!! It will be fine!