Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I just found out this afternoon that a distant cousin of mine took his own life yesterday. It is so sad as he leaves behind 2 sons, 3 siblings and an ex-wife who still cares for him. He struggled for a long time with alcoholism but has been sober for almost 18 yrs. He also suffered severe depression at times and, in recent years, suffered with cluster headaches that no one could fine a cause for. He was also a talented artist. His parents were very good friends of my parents and our families spent many good times together when we were growing up. Even though I haven't seen him in a long time I will miss him greatly. It's hard to imagine feeling that life is so awful that you can't take it anymore. But, as his brother said to me, if he were really "himself" he would NEVER have done this to his family. I pray that he is at peace now and that his family will be able to come to terms with this in time. I am thankful for the happy memories I have of him.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Everywhere I go, in everything I read lately, there seems to be a common theme. The feeling that change is in the air, growth is on the horizon, something is just feeling "off". I know I am feeling it---something very unsettling---something making it hard to settle down and focus on any one activity or project. It feels like I am waiting for something but I don't know what it is!! I see it in other blogs, in both the writing and, in some cases, the lack of writing. I hear it from other artists who are struggling with with where they are "at" right now. And there has also been a lot of death----it seems everyone I know has either lost someone or is in the process of losing someone. I long for a feeling of lighthearted-ness and just can't find it. I start to think of taking off on a spontaneous adventure and then something says "No, you need to stay home and wait"---for WHAT?!?!??! Somehow, venturing too far away from the homestead just doesn't feel safe at the moment. I am not liking this at all!!!! It would be very easy to spiral down into depression but I don't want to waste all that time!! It's too much work to dig my way out. So, any ideas anyone??? What the hell is going on?!?!?!? Are you feeling it too?????
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Good question! June has just been flying by and I can't believe July will be here before I know it!! I have been faithfully reading all my favorite blogs but just haven't felt like I have anything to write about!! I have been spending quite a bit of time in my art room---trying to organize things so that it's a more inviting place and also, a place where I don't constantly search for the supplies I need!! I'm getting there!!! I am also getting a lot closer to buying a new computer. This one is still not functioning very well in spite of having been rebuilt. I'm glad it was not something I had to pay a lot of money to have done!! I feel like I would be in pure heaven if I could post photos (I just wanna be like everyone else!!) and possibly even give Etsy a try!! I'm feeling more and more like I would like to try and make a little money doing my "art thing". I have never been one of those people who knew from a young age what they wanted to be. But I am feeling more sure all the time that my path is ART---in some way, shape or form!!! It really was right in front of my face all along but, for some reason, back in highschool and college I wasn't sure that I wanted to commit to it. I've spent many years trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up----I think it's about time I figure it out!!!!!